I became a consistent scripture reader in junior high when I started Seminary. I felt good when I read, and I loved knowing that I was doing what I was supposed to. I was obedient. It became such a habit that it was hard to fall asleep until I had read my scriptures.
Over the years, I've lost some of that fire I had for scripture study. Because I was in the Young Women's organization in my ward, I was trying to receive my Personal Progress medallion alongside the teens I served. Part of that is reading the Book of Mormon cover to cover.
I got so bored.
Maybe this is just a personal issue, but I got so bored. I was FORCING myself to read each day but not learning anything. I still felt the spirit when I opened my scriptures, but my mind wandered and I rarely got anything out of it. It felt forced. I've been in this place where I feel like I'm living the gospel but not really experiencing it. Going through the motions but not really feeling God's presence.
I knew my worship needed to change. I abandoned the Personal Progress program. I gave up. Which is something I don't do very often because it is so hard for me.
I decided that I needed to make my spiritual time something that worked for me. Something I looked forward to and not something I dreaded. Something that gave me quiet time with God, time to just sit with him and study whatever I wanted, or don't study and just meditate and relax and pray, or journal out my feelings and prayers and hopes and fears.
It worked.
I started looking forward to this time! One night while struggling with insomnia I had an acronym come to mind. SIT
S- Study wherever my heart desires
I- Intentional prayer and mediation
T- Time to Write
As long as what I am doing falls under one of those items in my acronymn, that counts as my worship time.
I've been longing to study the stories of Jesus. So for a few days I read the New Testament. Then one day I felt really stressed and I couldn't focus, so instead I journaled. I just wrote. And when I didn't want to write anymore I rested my eyes and prayed. I felt so refreshed after, not more stressed from trying to force myself to study in the way that someone else might say is the "right" way.
Over the last week I've been re-reading General Conference talks from this most recent conference. It has filled me.
I'm not saying this is necessarily the way YOU should study, but I wanted to say it's working for me! I have felt so much closer to my Heavenly Father during my worship time. And that's what I call it now, my SIT Time or my Worship Time. Because that what it is. It is time where I worship my God and my Savior, and I come to know them better.
This SIT time has made all the difference for me. I have recently decided to try eating vegetarian and see how I feel from it, and when I did I wanted to study the Word of Wisdom. So I did. I am seriously loving the freedom I've given myself to study wherever and whatever will help me worship. I'm so grateful that I have started doing my gospel study this way. If you try it out, be sure to let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear!